There is nothing in the galaxy—and those far, far away—more tightly held than a Star Wars secret. This week sees the franchise celebrate its ruby (or 40th) anniversary, and Vanity Fair has released the first-look photos of the main cast from the upcoming The Last Jedi, spreading them over not one but four covers. Let’s take a closer look.
All right, kicking things off we have the last jedi… and the other one, presumably. From this cover I can only assume Rey’s training isn’t going very well. After all, she’s not told her newfound master where the camera is. Old man Luke is left staring out to sea, wondering what happened to his well-deserved retirement from bringing balance to the force.
OK, here we have team Death Stare. After the climactic bang that was the destruction of Starkiller Base, my guess from this cover is that the New Order has relocated to a desert planet, as the evil trio are looking hot. So hot, they’ve removed their helmets. Except General Hux, of course, whose pasty teenager-having-a-tantrum scowl was deemed menacing enough already—there it is on the right. On the opposite side we can see Captain Phasma, exposing her best Brienne of Tarth impression. (An alternative, heart-wrenching theory is she never recovered that shiny helmet of hers from the trash compactor before it too exploded, though I doubt Star Wars will ever got that dark…) Her armour is spotless; let’s hope that doesn’t mean the captain avoids all possible cosmic battle for a second film. Lastly, we have the meat filling of this glowering sandwich, which is the pout of a man that possesses the Jedi mind trick equivalent of you’re going to name your newborn youngling after me. It’s pretty impressive, as is Kylo Ren’s ability to heal from a severe case of lightsaber to the face.
Cover Three, we see the bromance boys, Poe and Finn, along with BB-8 (thumbs up for the robotic football) and somebody else. I don’t know who. Oh, Rose Tico. No wonder she looks happy; apparently she’s the newcomer with the most screen time. Anyway, it’s nice to see the bromance boys are still going strong. I mean, that’s plain to see: Poe is visibly uncaring that Finn has adopted his jacket for the sequel. Though I don’t know why either of them would want it now that is has a giant lightsaber burn across the back… I wonder if jackets heal at the same rate as flesh?
Ah, with Han Solo now Han Zero, her twin brother Luke committing to a long-distance exile, and Chewie still sore from not receiving a hug at the end of The Force Awakens, there’s no one left to share this cover with Princess-demoted-to-General Leia, which also means there’s no one to tell Leia that her collar is both excessive and skew-whiff. Still, the late Carrie Fisher deserves a cover to herself after being an
international intergalactic icon for forty years—and that’s only going to continue. She also deserves that collar.
Well those are my thoughts on the Star Wars Vanity Fair covers, but what are yours? Do you have a favourite? And who are you most looking forward to see in The Last Jedi? Not even a jump to hyperspace could bring its December 15th release date any closer. We’ll just have to make do with the faulty-tap-like-drip of teasing images and clips that will inevitably follow.